The people who suggest that my brother-in-law is a pussy who should start standing up for himself are hopelessly naïve. If he were to display too much backbone, he’d likely end up instigating a divorce and any man who thinks divorce would be preferable to his current situation has never been to family court. You think his wife is a vicious, nasty shrew now? What, exactly, do you think she’d be like if he tried to leave her? His life would be just as miserable, only with the added bonus of total disenfranchisement from his children combined with a dash of financial ruin.
He’s got two children he loves dearly that are both under the age of four. He also works two jobs to support his family, so technically his wife would legally be deemed the ‘primary caregiver’ in court considering she refuses work outside of the home. His wife is not a drug dealer, or a stripper, or a junkie. She’s just an awful bitch. So, tell me, what do you think his chances are of gaining custody of two very young children in opposition to the Mother who has stayed home with them since they were born? Do you think all the times he tucked him into bed or woke up early on Saturday mornings to make them pancakes and watch cartoons will count for shit once she tallies up the amount of diapers she’s changed? He’s got no fucking chance at custody and any lawyer worth his salt would tell him so. So my brother-in-law stays in that loveless, soul crushing marriage because he doesn’t want to be an every-other-weekend-Dad to his two kids who will likely never understand the extent of his sacrifice.
And you people call him a pussy.
When a woman bears your child, she’s got you by the balls for at least 18 years. That’s our legal system how it stands and it’s going to stay that way until men pull together and lobby for change as opposed to condemning each other for being ‘whipped.’
There is only one way that a man can avoid a similar fate and that is to avoid knocking a bitch up in the first place. While I’m sure that the majority of my readers are such perfect judges of character that they have never made the mistake of thinking they loved someone who wasn’t worth spit, most people aren’t as flawless. Some guys sleep with mean girls. However, this doesn’t mean that they want to conceive a child with them. Unfortunately for men, it is much harder to protect themselves against an unwanted pregnancy than it is for women considering that they don’t have anywhere near the amount of reproductive options that women do.
Don’t believe me? Well, let’s break it down then, shall we?
It’s unsettling that the one form of birth control that we give to men also happens to be the least effective form of birth control, is it not?
Condoms are often used incorrectly. They break. They’re easily tampered with. It may be impossible for people with certain allergies to use condoms. They decrease the pleasure of intercourse, true, but my main issue with them is that full dependence on them can result in a life long commitment 10-18% of the time.
Those odds suck.
This is a pretty permanent solution, don’t you think? Not really ideal for young guys who want kids someday or for financially struggling guys who can’t afford the steep prices to freeze their sperm.
While it is 100% effective, I think it’s absolutely ludicrous that we expect men to only have sex with the intent of creating a baby. Furthermore, we even expect married men or men in otherwise committed relationships to ‘keep it in their pants if they don’t want kids.’
Apparently, men should be forced to choose between their natural biological urges and their desire to remain fatherless until they are emotionally and financially ready for the responsibility. A guy that never wants children should never, ever, ever have sex. Makes sense.
Actually, I’d be fine with this if we expected the same thing from women.
However, women can have as much sex as they damn well please without the fear of motherhood being thrust unexpectedly upon them because they have pills, patches, rings, foams, female condoms and shots to use as birth control. Hell, the pill alone is more than 99% effective and even the 1% chance one might get pregnant when using it is generally not due to it’s penchant to magically stop working. It’s due to human error. In other words, the pill quits working when a woman accidentally forgets to take one. Oftentimes, she accidentally forgets to take one on purpose.
Wow, wouldn’t it be great if men had all these options?
What about the morning after pill? We designed these little babies just in case a woman makes a boo-boo and forgets to use all the multiple forms of birth control available to her. She’s got 3 days after a night of sweaty passion to hightail it to Planned Parenthood and swallow a couple of these down.
Where is the man’s magic ‘opps pill’ that he can use the next day?
Should a woman fail to use any of the wide variety of highly effective birth control options available to her AND she refrains from taking the morning after pill…she still has abortion to fall back on. All it takes is an appointment with a Doctor and a couple of hundred dollars. Fuck, she can probably even convince the guy to pay the majority of the bill for her. Thanks, Roe vs. Wade.
Men can’t force women to have abortions. At this point, a man can only pray.
If a woman fails to use her birth control, never takes her ‘opps pill,’ AND waits too long to have an abortion, we still give her the ‘take back’ of all ‘tack backs’: Adoption. She can ditch that kid when he’s 6 years old (in some states) if she does so please, and no one accuses her of shirking her responsibilities. Instead, she revels in endless praise and support and is made a martyr for having the ‘strength’ to give her child to someone better equipped to raise him.
No one tells her to step up, be a real woman, and take care of her child when she doesn’t feel up to it.
No one tell her that she shouldn’t have had sex if she didn’t want a baby and forces her into motherhood.
No one calls her a dead beat or throws her in jail or questions her character.
Men simply do not have these options. Once the condom breaks, their fate is decided 100% by the Mother. If she chooses to have a baby, it’s over, and there are no ‘take backs’ in place for them if they don’t feel up to the responsibility. If they so much as shrink away from it, the courts will be more than happy to step in and garnish their wages while society simultaneously sneers at them in disgust.
Even if they embrace the role of a Father eagerly, they remain a part of their child’s life only as long as the Mother approves of them. They can spend tens of thousands of dollars on divorce lawyers only to watch in horror as the Mother moves his child across the country. I wonder why some men even bother, really.
How is this fair again?
How is this not a double standard?
Besides a total reconstruction of the inner workings of family court, we need to give men a birth control pill. We need to give men more reproductive options. One wonders why no one is lobbying for this? I see people starting fundraisers and marches designed to ‘fight against’ breast cancer or cervical cancer or a million other women’s issues that we’re all told we need to be overly concerned about. Yet, I have never seen a bunch of people walking down the street, clad completely in blue, holding up signs asking for a male birth control pill.
Men, if you want it, lobby for it. Write letters for it. Raise money for it. March for it. You deserve it and it’s only fair.
And I’ll march with you.
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