The 5 Worst Bloggers on the Internet

April 6th, 2007.

When the weather is as bad as it is now, my only two choices for entertainment are the Internet or television. I feel dirty every time I watch TV, so I often turn to the Internet. The problem is that the Internet has finally became mainstreamed enough that it is just as ridiculously stupid and cliché as television.

I blame this phenomenon completely on blogs. Particularly, these ones:

Dad Gone Mad
This guy is so in love with himself that I seriously wonder how many times he’s actually tasted his own spunk. Furthermore, it seems as though he’s in the process of raising two of the whiniest, entitled, self indulgent brats to walk on U.S soil….yet he can’t stop patting himself on the back! Terrorists hate us because people like Dad Gone Mad exist.

Rob Rummel-Hudson
Does anyone else get the sneaking suspicion that despite all his bragging about what a wonderful father he is, it’s actually Julie that pays the bills, does the cleaning, tends to their daughter’s needs and works a full time job?

Yeah. Me too.

Rob seems to be under the impression that the only requirement a father must possess is the ability to sit in front of the television with his kid for hours while simultaneously shoving copious amounts of potato chips into his disgustingly fat maw. Hey! It’s multitasking!

I’ve got news for Rob: Good fathers don’t exploit their child’s illness in order to buy themselves a new trumpet.

Tucker Max
Even without mentioning his penchant for lying, I could write a book about the reasons I don’t like Tucker Max. But, in the interest of saving time, I’m going to stick with one, solid reason:

He is a creative black hole.

Don’t believe me? Browse his message board for a week. This guy is constantly drilling his fans for ideas on everything from what his television show should be about to what he should say to someone if they insult him during an interview! It’s pathetic. I mean, he doesn’t even give them a kick back after he rips them off!

I don’t give a flying shit what extended best seller list Tucker Max managed to get on. You don’t see Stephen-fucking-King begging the readers of his blog to come up with a title to his books.

Stephanie Klein
Sure she’s vain, vile, vapid, and horrendously shallow. But to hate Stephanie Klein for strictly those reasons would be to sell yourself incredibly short.

What really rubs me the wrong way about her is her total lack of self awareness. I mean, this girl really believes she’s a sweet little girl just trying to get by in the big, bad world. If only she would stop having bad hair days!

Ugh. Stephanie Klein is the very definition of a stupid, worthless, melodramatic slut.

Julia
Julia is living proof that some women are infertile for a reason.

Now that she’s a mother, she can’t stop prattling on and on about her goddamn kid. A good 90% of her blog is about how incredibly brilliant her son is. Seriously. This kid is so fucking smart and she just can’t handle it! Oh my God will someone please help her deal with the genius that is her son! He shits rainbows! Honest to goodness rainbows!

The sad part is that her son isn’t even that smart. We just have ineffectual public school systems now that are churning out stupid, incompetent children quicker than MTV’s Jackass can wipe them out.

Still, I can’t wait to read about how Julia’s constant affirmations turned her son into a 10-year-old egomaniac with an over-inflated sense of his own importance. I mean, it’s almost like I’m reading Tucker Max’s Mom’s blog here!

Perhaps I’ll add more to this list later. Until then, I think I’m going to go watch some TV. Pray for me.

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4 Responses to The 5 Worst Bloggers on the Internet

  1. violentacrestalk.com » Blog Archive » VA: The 5 Worst Bloggers on the Internet
    April 6th, 2007 at 2:09 pm

    [...] Original post: The 5 Worst Bloggers on the Internet [...]

  2. The 5 Worst Bloggers on the Internet, Courtesy of One of the Internet’s 5 Worst Human Beings - from The Zero Boss by Jay Andrew Allen
    April 6th, 2007 at 3:21 pm

    [...] What the fuck? I don’t rank as one of the five worst bloggers on an entire Internet comprised of over 3.5 million blogs? (Don’t worry, I’m sure VA has read them all.) And I even have people saying I make them think? Hell. Obviously, getting my life in some semblance of order has had an adverse effect on my trainwreck potential. Perhaps I should resume my glue-sniffing habit, and start talking about my kids’ fecal output again. Now that’s entertainment! [...]

  3. Pettit.tv - My Brain On Display For Others To See » the-5-worst-bloggers-on-the-internet
    April 6th, 2007 at 8:37 pm

    [...] http://www.violentacres.com/archives/155/the-5-worst-bloggers-on-the-internet  [...]

  4. Yes, this blog was made just to trackback « Can you build a fire inside an Igloo?
    April 7th, 2007 at 6:00 pm

    [...] Oh, and also,  V, when you use the word “these” it does not need to be accompanied by an affirming “ones”, the conjoining of the two is needless repetition; the plurality of ambiguous objects is implied in “these” so you can eradicate “ones” altogether. (<a href=”http://www.violentacres.com/archives/155/the-5-worst-bloggers-on-the-internet”>The 5 Worst Bloggers on the Internet</a>) [...]