The largest wedding I ever attended had live music and an open bar only stocked with top shelf alcohol. For dinner, we had a 7 course meal and the main course was salmon and filet mignon. The bride wore a gown worth more than my car at the time and she flew in a prominent photographer from New York to take her pictures. The theme of the wedding was ‘Tropical Paradise’ and each table sported a crystal fishbowl complete with live fighting fish. It was absolutely gorgeous.

Four years later, when the bride and groom finally got divorced, they were still paying it off, too.

I can’t think of a bigger financial mistake than a having one of those large, fancy weddings. Some of these extravaganzas are downright obnoxious they are such wastes of cash. On top of that, the people throwing these shindigs can rarely afford to do so.

Mr. and Mrs. Tropical Paradise spent $37,000 on their dream wedding. When Mrs. Tropical Paradise told me this, it was in a breathless whisper, and when my eyes popped out of my head, she quickly assured me that it was all worth it because she wanted to share the special day with all her friends and family.

Of course, it was all a bunch of bullshit considering that anyone can share a ‘special day’ with friends and family for significantly less money than $37,000. In reality, the wedding was all about showing off while simultaneously indulging in the Princess Complex she should have grown out of shortly after her senior fucking prom.

Even worse, Mr. and Mrs. Tropical Paradise couldn’t afford $37,000 for what amounts to nothing more than a party. She’s a dance instructor, for God’s sake, A DANCE INSTRUCTOR. $37,000 could have been a pretty sweet down payment on home. Or, if she was really intent on spending all that money in one day, she could have invested in a nice mutual fund. But no. She had to throw it all away on a party.

Mr. Tropical Paradise wasn’t much better. It was his idea to have only top shelf alcohol at the bar. Because, you know, fresh-out-of-college frat boys can totally tell the difference between Johnnie Walker Blue and Black. (Especially after they mix it with coke!)

So why did Mr. and Mrs. Tropical Paradise finally call the marriage quits? Irreconcilable differences was the official diagnosis. Although, I strongly suspect starting their life together under the crushing weight of a ridiculous debt didn’t help much in the stress department. The expensive pictures they shelled out big bucks for are all in the garbage, but Mrs. Tropical Paradise kept the dress. She’s hoping her daughter will wear it someday when she has her first financial disaster. Sweet, huh?

Any parent that encourages or (even worse) offers to contribute financially to this crap is setting their children up for a lifetime of financial screw ups. Modern day families are already up to their eyeballs in debt. College bills, McMansions, SUVs, credit card bills and so on are not the exception, but the norm. With so many people living outside of their means, it’s hard to imagine that anyone is putting much into a retirement fund. It seems to me that a lot of parents are more concerned with the idea that their child will never have an excuse to wear a gaudy crown made of shiny rhinestones than they are about ensuring their own financial security after they retire.

The greatest gift any parent can give their child is their own financial independence. If you are a parent who lacks any sort of retirement fund, but willingly splurges on a party that lasts only one day, you are doing your children a vast disservice. You are going to get old someday and you will need the money to take care of yourself. I’m guessing that your children, who have learned their poor money management skills from you, will not be in any position for you to leech off of them for 30+ years. Do you really want to die without enough money to bury yourself?

Quit financially binging on all these vapid celebrations, people. Your marriage should be about loving each other and building a life together. You shouldn’t be digging yourself into a hole before you’ve even said ‘I Do.’

Just go to Las Vegas and be done with it already, you morons.