This might sound harsh, but I’m going to say it anyway because I’m just that kind of bitch.
If you purposely have a child that you cannot afford, you are a child abuser.
Now whenever I say something like this, people deliberately try to twist the points I’m making because they’re really invested in the idea that the world is filled with perpetual victims. So I’m going to beat them to the punch here and disclaim right away that this is not a class issue, or a race issue, or a goddamn sex issue. This is a common sense issue.
When I say you must be able to afford the child you bring into the world, I mean you must be able to provide the basic necessities for your child to survive. I am not implying you need to be ‘rich’ to have kids. I am simply stating if you can’t afford to feed, clothe and shelter your children without government assistance, then you are neglecting them. It does not take much money to provide basic necessities for a child. I know of one single Mother out there that does quite well in this regard working a full time job at a fast food restaurant. You don’t need to be incredibly wealthy to have kids. But you should know how to financially prioritize a household. A kid can go without cable television. He cannot go without a winter coat.
Neglect is just as much child abuse as beatings or sexual exploitation. Furthermore, just because your child doesn’t suffer the symptoms of neglect (Because the government has stepped in and fed him when you didn’t) doesn’t mean you didn’t fail your child as a parent. Arguably, the most significant role a parent plays in a child’s life is that of a provider. If you cannot provide for your children, you have no business raising them.
I do realize that accidents happen and sometimes you are faced with a burden that you are not quite ready for. Also, tragedies in life do sometimes occur and a once ideal situation can be destroyed in the event of sickness, death, etc. Of course, as a parent, it is your job to prepare as much as you possibly can for these tragedies, but no one is perfect. In cases like these, receiving a helping hand from society is not a shameful act. I am not referring to you as child abusers in this scenario.
Who I am referring to are the people who constantly promote the idea that we should ‘Have children when we’re young! The money issue will work itself out!’ I have heard this phrase repeated ad nauseam throughout American Culture and it makes me absolutely sick to hear it. It very covertly encourages people to risk becoming child abusers as they hope for money to fall from the sky in the wake of tough times. It also subtly insists that the youth of a parent matters more to the wellbeing of a child than the parent’s ability to provide for said child.
My counter is, Love your children more than that. Love them enough to work your ass off to create the most optimal home situation you are capable of creating before bringing them into the world. Love them enough to want to start them off in life ready to race, as opposed to starting them off ten steps behind all the other kids.
Throwing caution to the wind and attempting to conceive despite your poor financial position is indicative of a childlike mentality. Love your child enough to wait until you’re an adult who is emotionally mature enough to raise him.
Another group I find fault with is the Kid Sex Lottery Jackasses. These are the people who are so obsessed with having a child who is a particular sex that they will keep having kids in order to win the ‘Kid Sex Lottery’ without any regard to how they will be able to support their family. A good example of this is the parents who have 3 sons they can barely support, yet will purposely keep trying for a little girl. They worry more about how their family photos will look than they worry about the fact that they’re barely keeping their heads above water as it is. Not only is this attitude abusive to the children they already have, but it’s abusive to that elusive, unborn little girl.
A child deserves to grow up in an environment where they feel safe and cared for. They deserve food, shelter, clothing, medical treatment, and an education. Most of all, they deserve the piece of mind they get when they receive these things from their parents, as opposed to government agencies who inadvertently create feelings of inferiority who just might not always exist. If you are unwilling or unable to provide these basic necessities for your child without the help of the government or society, you are not parenting them. You are babysitting them.
And don’t give me any of that crap where you ask hypothetical questions like, “If you asked a child to choose between a loving family and a family who has money to support him, what would he pick?”
The question is asinine and obvious and it implies that financially stable people don’t love their kids, but I will answer it anyway:
BOTH, YOU FUCKING MORONS, BOTH.
A child shouldn’t have to choose between a loving family and financially stable home life. He should get both, by default. Again, I will state that the primary role a parent must adopt is that of provider. This includes a provider of love just as much as a provider of food and shelter. Just because you’re really good at the love part doesn’t negate your responsibility to provide the shelter part. Don’t make your kids “choose” between hugs and food to justify your failure as a parent.
Again, I say, love your kids more than that.
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