The war on drugs needs to end.

While we’re at it, let’s end the war on smoking, sex, alcohol, caffeine, and people who don’t wear their seat belts, too. If I want to asphyxiate myself while masturbating with a needle full of heroin, then by God, that’s my right. I elected a government to protect my country in times of crisis. I did not elect a permanent parent figure who planned to spend my tax dollars wagging his finger at me and dubbing certain vices ‘bad.’

I’ve read the pamphlets. I’ve attended the ‘Just say no’ campaign. I know the risks and I understand the consequences. I’ve been educated. Still, I’ve decided if I’m going to go, I want to go with morphine in my veins and a smile on my face. Why should anyway begrudge me a pleasant death?

Human beings deserve the right to self destruct, just so long as they don’t take anyone down with them. For example, I support laws that make it illegal operate heavy machinery under the influence. But if I’m alone in my own home, give me a side of alcohol poisoning with my joint, please.

You want to know what I think is weird?

Heart disease is the number one killer in America. Yet, I’ve been spoon fed the ideology that I should love my body unconditionally while I’ve been simultaneously handed a helmet should I even look twice at a fucking bicycle. The odds are in favor of obesity killing me before an inopportune collision with a tree. However, there are no laws against eating myself into a sugar induced coma.

With priorities like that, it’s hard to believe the state has my best interests at heart.

So, fuck them. I’m an adult. I can make my own decisions. I don’t need anyone to tell me my Doctor can’t help me die should I ever develop a life threatening illness, nor do I want restrictions over my ability to drive a motorcycle wearing a bikini and nothing else. So let’s bring back pot and pills and racy television programming. At the very least, let kids over in Iraq have a fucking beer already.

The government is no parent of mine, so they should really stop lecturing me as if they were.