Friend:  OK, so you know how I’m on Jenny Craig, right?

V:  Right.

Friend:  Well, you know how they say that Jenny Craig is all about you and your success and how they want to tailor a program specifically to make achieving your goals easier and if you don’t like your Jenny Craig consultant you can change to someone you’re more comfortable with and…..you know where this is going, don’t you?

V:  Run on sentence hell?

Friend:  No! I want to switch Jenny Craig consultants! My consultant is a twit.

V:  So switch consultants.

Friend:  See, that’s the thing. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She really is a nice person, I guess.

V:  Then why do you want to switch consultants?

Friend:  Well, she’s not very bright. And she’s always rushing through my order and fucking it up. Like, last week, I only ordered 1 piece of cheesecake, but she tried to give me 3 pieces. When I called her on it, she was all, “Do you just want to keep the extra cheesecake?” And I wanted to say, “No, dummy. I’m on a very restrictive diet that doesn’t permit me to eat 2 extra pieces of cheesecake. It’s called ‘Jenny Craig.’ Perhaps you’ve heard of it?”

V:  That’s funny.

Friend:  And this week, she forgot to put 3 of my snacks in the bag. So now I’ve got to go up and get them. But I don’t want to because I’m afraid they’ll just think the fat girl is just trying to scam extra snacks, you know what I mean?

V:  The way I see it, you’re spending too much money on that program to not to be happy with it. So switch consultants.

Friend:  Yeah, but what if they start treating me like I’m one of those ‘difficult’ people who complains about everything? Like I’m going to strut around the center like some sort of Fat Diva.

V:  You’re spending an awful lot of time worrying about what they think of you. What’s next? Going to suck off the center manager to score brownie points?

Friend:  Fat girls can’t suck dick. It makes us hungry!