Fuck Utopia; Hating Things is FUN
July 17th, 2007.Time and time again I’ve had the displeasure of reading various bloggers on the Internet bemoan their critics by mournfully questioning, “Why would you read my website if you hate me so much?”
The answer is simple and if these bitches could get over themselves for even three seconds, it would become painfully clear:
Because hating things is fun.
Consider my love/hate relationship with the television show ‘Lost.’ I find the acting tedious, the plot utterly ridiculous, and the dialogue downright laughable. Yet…every week I watch it. Why? Because afterwards, I enjoy heading over to an Anti-Lost website and gleefully making fun of it. It’s the highlight of my Wednesday.
According to common blogger logic, this must mean I’m jealous of the television show ‘Lost.’ Or maybe I’m projecting my own shortcomings on it? Either way, it has nothing to do with the fact that the show is poorly written, poorly directed, and poorly acted. The problem obviously lies with me. Perhaps I had a bad experience with a tropical island once…or maybe a TV fell on me when I was a toddler? Somewhere, deep, deep in my psyche there must be a reason for my distaste.
Bullshit.
Hey Jada! Maybe your critics run an Anti-Jada blog about you because they just don’t like you? Maybe it’s fun for them to read your insipid posts full of self congratulatory bullshit and laugh, and laugh, and laugh at you? Ever stop to think about that?
In a post that clearly proves Jada’s reasoning skills are similar to those of a 3 year old, she wonders why people:
“are so invested in the minutia of my life and posts that they will scour the archives for hours on end every single day…..why people are devoting such relentless energy and time to hating a blogger in Chicago.”
Awhile back ago when I posted about Rockstar Mommy, she insinuated the same. I forget her exact phrasing, but she accused me of pouring over her flickr pictures and scouring her archives. The truth of the matter is I never even read past her first page. I stumbled upon Rockstar Mommy after reading a myspace page where everyone was making fun of her. Those myspace chicks were quoting various posts of hers and coming up with some real zingers, so I checked her out. I browsed around for a few minutes or so and laughed my freaking ass off. Finally, I decided to write a post about her because her particular brand of desperate faux coolness amuses me. Besides, any grown woman who wears a princess crown has it fucking coming.
My question is: Why do bloggers always assume their critics spent a lot of time reading their shit before they came to the conclusion they suck? It doesn’t take me that long to realize someone is a overly dramatic crybaby with a skewed perspective and a bad case of The Stupids. Seriously, it took me all of 2 paragraphs before I realized I’d enjoy bashing Stephanie Klein’s head in with a rock and I never bothered to read any further. Jada’s asinine post about Projection was enough to turn me off to the bitter cunt forever and I’ve never even seen her ‘Anti-blog.’
By the way, are you seriously complaining about 1 anti-blog, Jada? Cry for me, bitch. I’ve got at least 11. On top of that, I don’t need to write meandering pathetic posts bemoaning the fact that people don’t like me while simultaneously asking the public ‘WHY O WHY?’ I know why some people are rubbed the wrong way by my personality. I’m mean. I’m tacky. I’m smug, superior, and insulting. It has nothing do with jealousy or projection or what-the-fuck-ever. Every single person on this planet is hate-able for at least a few completely valid reasons. I am no exception and neither are you. So please, do us all a favor and quit acting so goddamn wounded. You’re embarrassing yourself.
The hypocrisy of some people seriously cracks me up. They’ll mock George Bush and make catty comments about Britney Spear’s clothes, but when the tables are turned, they throw baby fits. Being vicious, gossiping bitches is A-OK unless they’re on the receiving end. Then and only then, they dream about the day when the whole world learns to get along and hug bunnies and blow bubbles and live in peace forevermore.
The theory that everyone on this planet may someday co-exists peacefully and happily fucking horrifies me. I absolutely loathe the idea of utopia. I mean, DO YOU PEOPLE REALIZE HOW FUCKING BORING THE WORLD WOULD BE IF EVERYONE GOT ALONG? Has anyone even once considered how pointless and uninspiring life would be if we effectively eliminated negativity? Can you imagine how emotionally stunted people would end up if they lived a strictly positive lifestyle? People need negativity, tragedy, and strife. Without it, it’s impossible to fully explore personal beliefs and limits.
I seek out negativity for the same reason I eat a wide variety of food: I like contrast in my life. After all, how would I have ever known exactly how much I adore a peanut butter and banana sandwich if I had never had the displeasure of tasting a piece of cauliflower?
So yeah, sometimes I read blogs written by people I can’t fucking stand and sometimes I even write a catty post or two about them on my website. Does this make me a petty, small, nasty little person?
Sure!
But this small, petty, nasty little person is still heartily amused by clueless little bitch-faces with saggy tits, bad skin, and cankles like Jada.
Edit: Chin up, Tiny Dancer. There are worse things in this world than getting a virtual finger wagging from me. Enjoy the traffic.
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