Six Months of Bitching Starts….NOW
September 4th, 2007.Today I am going to write about the classes I’m starting this month. Not because I really believe any of you giving a shit, mind you, but because it’s likely that I’ll end up bitching about these classes and I’d like to do so without 3 paragraphs of explanation. So, call this entry a preface.
Residential Electricity 1
Apparently, when I’m finished with this series of coursework, I will become a certified electrician. I really don’t give a shit about becoming a certified electrician; I just want to know how to rewire my house so I don’t ever have to hire one again.
If any of you ever plan on getting into real estate, I strongly suggest you take as many home improvement classes as you can. The professionals will rob your ass blind.
Plumbing 1
Again, I have no interest in becoming a plumber. I just don’t want to pay some fat ass smelly fucker in a pair of ugly bib overalls $200 to replace something ridiculously minor.
Honestly, I expect to get some flack for taking these classes. I’m sure the room will be filled with working class types who don’t cotton to women doing MAN’S WORK. I’m betting they either become incredibly defensive or they start talking down to me like I’m a retarded 6 year old. Perhaps I’ll be pleasantly surprised but I highly doubt it.
Dog Agility for Beginners
Now that my dog is officially fully grown, she is ready to do some really cool shit. I figured I’d get her running obstacle courses and whatnot like they do on TV. Maybe someday we can compete for trophies and glory. (Mostly, glory)
I do have some trepidation about doing this, though. I heard that people who get into Dog Agility typically become very competitive. As I sit here typing this, I could honestly give a shit about my dog becoming some champion agility master or whatever. I joke about vying for THE GLORY, but in reality, I just want to have fun with my dog. Also, if I bring her home nice and tired, I’m hoping she’ll be less likely to treat my cat’s litter box like it’s the buffet table at a ponder-fucking-rosa.
With that said, I’m a pretty competitive person by nature. In fact, this site is digital proof at how competitive I am. I originally put it up for fun, but it was a comment from some piece of shit blogger that kept me going with it.
Jay Andrew Allen, otherwise known as ‘The Zero Boss,’ made some wisecrack about how I ‘could’ve have been a contender’ in the blogging world…strongly insinuating that my site would go nowhere.
I thought to myself, “Aw hell naw.”
Anyway, I took a peak at his stats (He left them open) and found that he was getting, on average, 2,000 unique visitors a day. On top of that, he had been working diligently on his site for nearly 3 years and boasted over 300 of the most boring, watered down, bullshit posts I’ve ever had the misfortune of skimming. (I gave up after 20 minutes. Jesus fucking Christ, I’ve never seen someone babble so much about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING)
In the first two weeks of my site’s existence, I had managed to match Jay’s traffic. Within 2 months, I had tripled his traffic. As I sit here today typing, my website has been read by nearly 6 million people. That was pretty much double what Zero Boss managed to get in 3 fucking years. I did it 10 months. Nyah. Nyah. Nyah.
I’d point you to Zero Boss’s laughable excuse for a website, but it doesn’t fucking exist anymore. And I ‘could’ve been a contender!’ HA!
But feel free to gaze upon his cow of a wife here.
Who wants to bet I become all loony tunes competitive in dog agility too and end up slashing the tire of some bitch with a poodle to prevent her from getting in the way of me and my trophy?
September 4th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
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October 10th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
[...] have officially been pleasantly surprised. In fact, my residential electricity class has been a proverbial bucket full of [...]