Violent Acres

Today I spent the day playing ‘duck, duck, goose’ and making zebra cookies in the company of 6 kids. The children ranged in age from 1 – 7, but they’re generally a well behaved bunch, so the day was running smoothly.

Around lunch time, the plumber showed up to fix the kitchen faucet. By the way, it totally figures that the faucet would go on the fritz right before I started my plumbing class. If it would have bitten the dust 4 months from now like a good inanimate object would have, I could have fixed it my damn self.

But anyway, the plumber was chatting me up a little as he worked. Of course, all the kids wanted to be involved in the conversation and normally, I would have chastised them for interrupting adults when there wasn’t an emergency. However, the baby was getting peas in her hair and I was semi distracted.

All of the sudden, the plumber said to the children, “Aren’t you all lucky that you have a nice and pretty lady to take care of you? You could have gotten stuck with someone mean and ugly!”

The children giggled and I gave the plumber a questioning look. I thought to myself, ‘Who the hell is this guy talking about?’

Then, I laughed too and asked, “Who? Me?”

“Of course!” he replied.

“Oh, I’m not nice at all,” I answered, “Just ask the kids. Hey kids! Tell this nice man all the ways I’m mean to you!”

All at once, the kids started talking over each other, eager to be the first one to name The Most Terrible Thing V Does.

“She makes us eat vegetables with every meal!”

“We’re not allowed to scream in the house!”

“No McDonalds, EVER!”

“Do you know we’re only allowed 1 hour of TV time a day?”

One little boy stayed mostly quiet during the ranting. He nodded his head enthusiastically here and there, but didn’t really join in in listing my obvious character flaws. However, after the kids had quieted down a little, he finally figured out something to add.

“Yeah!” he piped in, “And she’s not even really that pretty!”

Unfortunately for you guys, this was the highlight of my day. It totally cracked me up. I wasn’t going to share this anecdote at all, because it’s so mommy bloggerish and therefore, totally not my style. But then I thought about it some more and I realized that all the people who read my last story and called me vain, shallow, conceited, etc, etc, might get a little kick out of it.

I actually do have more to say about my potential vanity and all that jazz, but I’ve been a little tied up today. You can expect something a little more detailed tomorrow night.

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