Violent Acres

Brother: A friend put me down as a reference on a job application today.

V: That’s cool.

Brother: I’m thinking about making up some crazy shit to say about her if they call.

V: Like what?

Brother: I was thinking about saying something like, “Don’t hire her. She told me she hates Jesus. She’s been known to go into work drunk every day, too. Also, she’s always making fun of retards. And she calls them ‘retards,’ too, instead of just saying they’re mentally challenged. That’s always kind of bugged me.”

V: Is any of that true?

Brother: No, but if she didn’t get the job, she would have more time to hang out with me.

V: I guess that’s all that matters.

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