Today, I read something so fucking funny that I almost swallowed a piece of bubblegum, I was laughing so hard.

I’m going to copy the entire post here in full, rather than just quote and link like I usually do. If Ryan Holiday has a problem with this, I suppose he can…go cry about it. Or something.

I get really angry when I get behind a slow driver and people always tell me to calm down. They don’t get where the rage comes from. It comes from not being able to understand how someone can be so devoid of purpose or direction that they not only lack urgency in their own life, but they actively impede others who know where they want to go.

It seems to me that the worst thing you could ever say about someone is “You’re not just mediocre, you’re contagiously mediocre.” We all have problems, areas where we are objectively bad at things, but to drag others down–either via obliviousness or malice–is about the most evil act one can engage in.

Really? Driving slow in the fast lane is the most evil act one can engage in? More evil than say…pedophilia? Murder? Rape? Child abuse? Killing Jews? Tyra Banks? Driving slow in the fucking fast is more evil than all of that?

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?

The utter inanity of America’s youth is starting to frighten me. I used to be as patriotic as they come, but the more I see the human garbage this country is producing, the more I want slap a burka on my head, kneel down on a dirty piece of carpet, and make funny clicking sounds with my tongue until I reach the Promised Land.

Since Ryan Holiday is obviously a product of the Me-Generation and therefore has the emotionally maturity and coping skills of a ill behaved puppy dog, I’m going to tell you what’s worse than driving slow in the fast lane.

1. Self obsession so severe that you sincerely believe the entire world revolves around you is worse.

2. The tendency to treat the other inhabitants on this planet as if they exist merely to amuse you and becoming enraged when they fail to live up to your ridiculous standards is worse.

3. Dealing with mental disabilities that convince you that everyone is out to get you is worse.

4. Being so juvenile and thickheaded you fail to realize that if you just managed your time a little more efficiently and acted like a responsible adult for a change, you could have just left a few minutes sooner and eliminated your need to rush in the first fucking place is worse. But no! I guess it’s perfectly fucking reasonable to assume the entire world should synchronize their watch to yours rather than accept accountability for your own lack of planning and foresight.

5. Lacking self awareness to the point where you write a spoiled brat post like this one in such a way that is neither humorous nor ironic and actually posting it without a sudden, inexplicable urge to stab yourself in the eye with a broken beer bottle is much worse than driving slow in the fast lane.

Hey, what do you all suppose is going to happen when Ryan Holiday finally faces the crushing reality that no gives a shit what he thinks and his Mommy was lying when she told him he was brilliant, unique and beyond all reproach?

Suicide via Flintstones chewables?

Or a dick sucking spree followed by the inevitable marriage to a transvestite named Marigold?

I’d actually put money on this guy totally and completely self destructing in 5 years. The only potential contribution he could make to society is to do it in the most hilarious way possible.