Violent Acres

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. ~Thomas Szasz, “Personal Conduct,” The Second Sin, 1973

Remember when the hippy dippy girl with the dreads was the only one dashing off to Indonesia to ‘find herself?’ Now everyone under 30 is off searching for themselves in some misguided attempt to discover inner peace and the results are nothing to write home about. Usually, when people ‘find themselves,’ the only thing they really discover is more things to hate.

The reason for this is simple: If you’re spending all your time focusing inward, it’s pretty impossible to make a positive impact anywhere else. Self fulfillment never comes after looking in the mirror and finally realizing you’re a raging narcissist.

“Love yourself!” the Self Esteem Police often howls to the masses, “You’ll never learn to love another until you love yourself! Take care of yourself before you take care of others! You! You! You! It’s all about you!”

Even people who have had this theory beat into their head since birth are having trouble applying it positively to their life. The only thing continuous introspection has taught them is they’re not particularly lovable in the first place. And spending every waking moment of their life in a sad attempt to create the image of prosperity with ultimately meaningless status symbols ultimately makes them feel empty and alone.

So what should they do? Lose weight? Quit smoking? Buy a bigger house or a nicer car? Secure a spot on a reality TV show and pursue fame and fortune? What will finally make people happy? Where oh where can they possibly find a little self respect?

Much like most things in life, the answer to this question is embarrassingly simple: If you want to self respect, live a life worth respecting. If you want people to care about you, you need to care about them. Self love will come only after you learn to love another. The Self Esteem Police have always had it totally backwards. A person should spend the majority of their time looking outwards, as opposed to obsessing over every little nuance of their innermost psyche.

So many people have told me they want their lives to ‘mean’ something. What always strikes me about these breathlessly whispered proclamations is how little they are actively doing to make an impact. It’s almost as if they believe the elusive ‘meaning’ they are searching for will randomly pop into their lives as they cross the street to buy a cup of coffee from Starbucks.

I’m tired of listening to people insist they want to do great things while simultaneously highlighting paragraphs out of poorly thought out self help books. I’d like to know what people are doing. This world is shit and there is no shortage of places to make an impact.

So, what are you doing?

Every single person on this planet should being volunteering for something. I don’t care if you’re an over privileged millionaire or legitimately in need yourself, good things come to those who give back. And this isn’t some hocus pocus karma theory, either. I know I’d personally rather help the single Mom who spends her weekends dolling out soup to the homeless rather than the one who spends all her time whining on her blog about all the bills she can’t pay. People help those who are worth their good will. People worth good will are those who offer it before they need it themselves.

Of course, not every cause is for everyone which is where I think so many people go wrong when looking for volunteer work. When I was young, I started volunteering for an organization aimed at helping certain victimized individuals and only ended up feeling disgust and disdain for the people I was supposed to be helping. After becoming increasingly disenchanted with my work, I threw up my hands and insisted that volunteering wasn’t right for me.

Looking back, I can see now that volunteering my time wasn’t the negative. I had simply chosen an issue I couldn’t heartily get behind. Rather than give up and live 3 years of my life devoid of soul and the inner peace one gains when they sincerely feel like they’re making a difference, I should have merely sought out a new cause. Now I’m involved in multiple causes that I emotionally invested in and I can say with complete certainty that the small successes I make with my various groups are the happiest moments of my life. The whole world is not about me. It’s about what I can do while I’m here to make even the slightest impact.

If you don’t respect adults, help children. If you’re not particularly fond of children, help animals. If Americans drive you nuts, help people in other countries. The environment is going to shit. There are diseases that need curing. Sick, infirm, elderly people need someone to visit them. Trash needs picked up on the highway. Your neighbor could use some help fixing her fucking fence. There is plenty to do in this world. Rather than spend your time wondering how you can feel fulfilled, why not try doing something somewhat fulfilling?

Look outward and your innards will work themselves out.

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