If you gave me the choice between $500 a chance to see a picture of some random douchebag on the Internet, I would snatch that money so fast the friction from our hands would set the bills ablaze. Hell, I’d even take $10. In some cases, I’d even pay you take pictures of your snaggletoothed kids offline. Because, ouch. My eyes.

With that said, it was sincerely shocking for me to learn that so many people who read my site are shallow bastards. Jesus Christ.

But hey, it’s all for charity, so I guess I’m not going to bitch too much. However, I am going to need some extra time to put this all together. For one thing, I haven’t picked the charity yet. Suggestions in that department are still appreciated. Also, I now need to go get my picture taken since I assume you guys want something recent. Suggestions on ways to prove it’s actually me in the picture might also come in handy. I really, really, really don’t want to hold up a cheesy fucking sign. After all, if people are going to photoshop that bitch, I want the images to be creative. I can’t just hand you content, for Christ’s sake!