Shape of a Divorce
November 26th, 2006.Hi! When I was pregnant, I gorged myself until I doubled my body weight. Now, my body is covered in disgusting rolls of fat and I have so many stretch marks it looks like someone took a magic marker and scribbled on me. But that’s all just part of motherhood, right? Pregnancy does that to everyone, doesn’t it?
In a word? No.
It is such a peeve of mine to hear women use their children as an excuse for their own morbid obesity. It is not necessary to gain 80lbs to carry a 7lb baby and it’s not healthy either. If one more woman grunts the phrase ‘well, I’m eating for two’ as if she’s eating for two full grown adults and not herself and an infant incapable of eating solids, I’m going to start screaming.
You’re a pig with no self control. It has nothing to do with your baby.
That is not a baby in your thighs. That is not a baby in your ass. That is not a baby swinging like sweet meat from your arms. A baby doesn’t give you jowls. Your ruined body is the end result of gluttony and lack of personal responsibility. Admit it and quit blaming your kids.
I would even argue that gaining a freakishly large amount of weight during your pregnancy is a glaring omen that you’re not ready to be a parent. Parenthood is about setting a good example. How do you feasibly plan to teach your children how to eat healthy and exercise when you’re busy drowning them in pints of Ben & Jerry’s in the womb? How are you qualified to teach a child self-discipline when you’re busy jamming pizza rolls into your maw like they’re going out of style?
My friend Julie got pregnant and decided that she wanted to give her child the healthiest start possible. She ate whole grains, lean meat, fresh fruits and veggies and kept hydrated with plenty of water. She didn’t use her pregnancy as an excuse to sit on the couch all day. She kept active. The end result was 25lbs of baby weight that quickly melted away after an easy labor and a beautiful happy baby.
My sister-in-law could take out an entire apple pie in a single sitting during her pregnancy. Now, she’s 60lbs overweight with a depressed husband and fat kids. We call her The Sea Donkey and she’s still devouring an apple pie in one sitting even though her youngest is 3 years out of the womb.
Suspicious, isn’t it?
This wouldn’t bother me so much if people didn’t try to make gelatinous thighs into a symbol of “loving motherhood.” They’re a symbol of a love of Big Macs and Pop Tarts; it has nothing to do with your precious kids. Developing a cunt for a belly was not a cross you had to bear to bring your child into this world.
It came from reckless gluttony, shameful lack of self discipline, and a total absense of personal responsibility…
….When you should have been setting an example.
November 27th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
[...] But worst of all is my choices for beverages. I’m generally offered either iced tea, bottled water, or coke. What is with this iced tea bullshit? My husband’s family doesn’t seem understand that next to the turkey, the booze is the most important part of the holiday meal. In my family, the holidays were all about getting drunk and telling people what you really thought of them. How in the hell am I supposed to get liquored up and slur to the Sea Donkey, “Yanno….no one here even likesh you…” if they insist on having a dry Thanksgiving? [...]
November 30th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
[...] Productive day because my two partners were actually occupied. Pregnant women eating for two. Welcome to b5 day and Silent Whispers. Mild to Cold. Old is better even when it wasn’t good before. Why don’t you just pick the best dancer? ScrivsTyme #123 [40:35m]: Download « ScrivsTyme #122 [...]
December 5th, 2006 at 5:30 am
Dear Violent Acres,…
I love your blog. Not because I necessarily agree with it, but because I think that people do have the right to think and say whatever they want, even when it’s hurtful. I love that you say things most people……
December 7th, 2006 at 10:59 pm
Violent Acres Is A Man…
I offer Violent Acres’ latest post as evidence that “she” is actually a man. Now, I may be wrong - but I think the style of writing points heavily in that direction. There’s not a woman alive - and almost no men - who could talk to a restaurant hos…
December 13th, 2006 at 1:06 am
Skinny Mom: Baby-weight Loss…
I am so sick of hearing people talk shit about how fat women get during pregnancy or after having kids…
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:42 pm
[...] Anyone who suggests that I absolve people of personal responsibility in losing weight hasn’t been reading my site long enough. [...]
February 11th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
[...] Original post: Shape of a Divorce [...]
April 26th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
[...] You see, I do read the comments people make about my site. Not all of them, mind you, because I eventually get bored reading about myself. But I do read the first couple. Not only that, but I’ve seen my site linked on all sorts of crazy websites. Gun enthusiasts seem to get a kick out of my fighting articles and feminists freak out when I make fun of pregnant women. Everyone seems to have a theory about who I might be or what my oh so secret motivations are and one guy even wrote something that hit so close to home that I actually blushed a little. This tickles me. Not enough that I’d obsessively scour thread after thread for hours, but just enough that I’ll take a quick peak if I see something repeatedly appear in my stats. I can honestly say I’ve never been bothered by anything that’s been said about me, no matter how vicious and over the top the accusations have been, until just very recently. [...]
June 25th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
[...] realize on this site I do pick on women a lot. And to be perfectly honest, any other day I would have been first in line to criticize Stacy for letting herself go like she did. People have a right to be physically attracted to whoever they wish and if Chris dug [...]
June 25th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
[...] realize on this site I do pick on women a lot. And to be perfectly honest, any other day I would have been first in line to criticize Stacy for letting herself go like she did. People have a right to be physically attracted to whoever they wish and if Chris dug [...]