American Idol Contestant Sings a Song About Child Molestation
March 1st, 2009.A couple of nights ago, I was thumbing through the channels on my TV set when, resigned and bored, I briefly settled on American Idol. A contestant, whose name I do not know because I don’t actually follow the show, was in the process of singing ‘Man in the Mirror’ by Michael Jackson.
Not 10 second into the performance, I muttered to the television screen, “Better kick it up a few notches, asshole.”
Said asshole mewed and whined a few more verses in an attempt to make the song sound pretty. For some strange reason, this annoyed the shit out of me.
Losing my admittedly erratic and often irrational temper, I howled at the screen, “Jesus Christ, man! Will you sing that song with some passion please! Don’t you know what that song is about?”
If anyone reading right now blinked and answered, “Changing the world via charity?” let me take this moment to tell you exactly how naïve and incorrect you are. Learn to read between the lines, people.
“Man in the Mirror,” by Michael Jackson is about diddling little boys. I’d bet money on it.
Don’t think I was always so enlightened. I’ll admit, when it first came out I was also fooled. I bought the lie. I, too, bobbed my head to the beat while thinking to myself, “Wow, Michael is tired of being a rich asshole and now he wants to give to charity and shit. What a fucking humanitarian!”
Oh, Michael, you tricky bastard! In retrospect, it’s pretty obvious that you had just molested your first little boy and felt a twinge of guilt. Much like a Catholic priest, I’m sure you thought covertly confessing your sins would stifle your monstrous urges to tongue a prepubescent little boy’s asshole.
By the way, how did that work out for you? Ouch, not so well, eh?
For those of you who are still skeptical listen for yourself:
I’m looking at the man in the mirror
And I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and make a change
(And quit molesting kids)
Nanana nanana nananananana
It’s so obvious now, isn’t it?
That’s why watching that contestant softly sing “Man in the mirror” last night was so annoying. Michael Jackson didn’t sing that song; he screamed it. He screamed it as if the pedophilic hounds of Hell were chasing him. And despite the fact that he tossed in a couple of garbage lines about starving children (Starving for HIS COCK), he sang it like a man desperate for an appetite for full grown pussy. Or at least barely legal pussy.
Alas, the Gods were not on his side.
Sorry, Michael. American Idol just doesn’t understand you.
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March 2nd, 2009 at 12:43 am
Please, V. Don’t insult our intelligence with this puerile and rather disgusting attempt at humor.
On a side note, balls.
March 2nd, 2009 at 4:26 am
Ok… so are you working on any articles that don’t suck?
March 2nd, 2009 at 5:27 am
Psht. Like Michael Jackson ever wrote anything.
March 2nd, 2009 at 5:54 am
How apt to talk about Michael Jackson, a fading star. Where has the writing gone that felt real rather than so contrived? I would rather you had written about your own secret desire to lick pubescent arse-holes. From the first two lines of another Michael Jackosn song, Bad, “Your Butt Is Mine,
Gonna Take You Right”.
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:09 am
…..And all hail Maiden for publicly denouncing feminism:
There’s an evil virus that’s threatening mankind
Not state of the art, a serious state of the mind
The muggers, the back stabbers, the two face elite
A menace to society, a social disease.
Rape of the mind is a social disorder
The cynics, the apathy oneupmanship order
Watching beginnings of social decay
Gloating or seering at life’s disarray
Eating away at your own self esteem
Pouncing on every word that you might be saying
[....]When every good thing?s laid to waste
By all the jealousy and hate
By all the acid wit and rapier lies
And every time you think you’re safe
And when you go to turn away
You know they’re sharpening all their paper knives
[....]All in your mind
All in your head
Try to escape it
Without a conscience they destroy
And that’s a thing that they enjoy
They’re a sickness that’s in all our minds
They want to sink the ship and leave
The way they laugh at you and me
You know it happens all the time
[...]The rats in the cellar you know who you are….
Or do you?
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:51 am
Television made me angry too. So I stopped using it. It’s amazing how many people find commercials funny.
March 2nd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
4 months ago I rid myself of cable television. It’s amazing what you can do with all that spare time. Like plumb the depths of the internet. *shiver*
March 2nd, 2009 at 8:18 pm
i doubt that song is about molesting children but then again what with his weird dance in all i would think maybe so, but yea he is a child molester
March 2nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
weak V, but we’re obviously reading it because we’re addicted.
… I don’t know if he DID molest children: on the one hand I see the benefit to him of the “oh people are desperate for my money, that is why they accuse me of touching the little boys and girls” but then I also see the benefit of “oh dirty popstar, fallen king of pop” for the media.
Maybe he did it.
Andand if you want a real song about child molestation try Twisted Ballerina by Jayne Sachs. http://www.jaynesachs.com/lyrics/twisted.html
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:58 pm
I think you’re right. The line “I’ve been a victim of a selfish kind of love” is also relevant… he was abused as a child which is why he abuses others.
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:59 am
I could care less about this post. It’s pointless. As in, it has no point. But that’s a typical V post. PWOT. And, obviously I realize posting responses is pointless squared, if not cubed… I was just wondering why I received an email from this site this morning after canceling my subscription a couple of months ago or so. My mind was at peace even after a few weeks of not receiving these updates. Then, lo and behold. This abomination appears in my inbox. V, I have no problem with you personally. In fact, you’re probably a beautiful person… inside and out. I just don’t want to be reminded that you exist. I’ll admit, I’ve dropped by from time to time to see if you have anything worthwhile to read… but most of the time I just throw up in my mouth. And then I just have to use extra mouth wash… and that shit ain’t cheap. Hugs & kisses ~ now leave me alone unless you want to cut through the bs and get to the core of what makes you ‘act’ the way you do. Good luck.
March 3rd, 2009 at 9:22 am
“I’ll admit, I’ve dropped by from time to time to see if you have anything worthwhile to read… but most of the time I just throw up in my mouth.”
Seriously? If this site of all places makes you puke, I’d advise you to stay away from… well pretty much the entire rest of the internet.
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Could we please have something interesting? Here you sound like a whiny, attention seeking kid. You’ve sank to the level of your despised “mommybloggers”. You can do so much better than this.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Look at all the serious business in here.
March 3rd, 2009 at 6:03 pm
In all seriousness though, V we should hang out sometime… catch up on old times, talk things over.
March 3rd, 2009 at 8:33 pm
MJ sings songs about diddlin’ Kiddies?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
FUCKING
WAY!
Get out!
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Sense of humor? I remember what that was like. Life is funny (and sad) enough, huh? I don’t plan on coming around again after this merry-go-round. So if there is anything that needs working out… here and now is the time. If not, hey keep on keepin’ on and best wishes to the fam.
March 4th, 2009 at 2:23 am
Why? I was fine w/ being out of the fold. Why did you bring me back in?
Can you answer that question for me?
March 4th, 2009 at 10:52 am
What the hell is the deal with this site? You sold it so now the writing is crap? What are you trying to prove? In the past reading here was great, now it SUCKS!!!!!
March 4th, 2009 at 11:20 am
It must be one of those ‘take the $ and run things,’ you know, this here’s a story about what’s-his-name and what’s-her-name. Woo Hoo. Go on take the money and run. fade out.
March 4th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
WOW. That was actually one of the most retarded things I have ever read…. in my whole life. That sounded like it was written by a 14 year old boy. Immature and just plain dumb.
March 6th, 2009 at 2:05 am
I’m surprised you’re writing about this bullshit instead of the octuplet mom who’s living off welfare to pay for all of her children, since that seems like it would matter more to you than what some kid on American Idol was doing.
Stop sucking so I don’t feel so bad for linking my friends to this site.
March 6th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I’ve been checking the latest posts my favorite blogs this afternoon and guess what, they all sucked. (Yes this one too.) Yet another proof that blogging is finally dead. (Not to be confused with mommyblogging, which was stillborn.)
March 7th, 2009 at 12:48 am
Hey, I don’t mean to be the one that brings up the whole “can’t we all just get along” thing, but whether you believe in creationism, darwinism, both, or neither… we all came from one singular cell. All of us. Actually the same lump of carbon and whatever. We could debate it for eternity and nobody & everybody would be right & possibly wrong. This post may have been a little lame, but that really doesn’t matter now does it?
March 10th, 2009 at 1:31 am
I just Stumbled on this site (today’s post - which is AWESOME, BTW.)
I was impressed, so I thought I’d check out some of your other posts… When you said “starving for his cock!” I literally laughed out loud. For a good minute. Seriously - a minute. At least.
You are officially going on my bookmarks (the ones I check ritualistically)
That was fucking awesome.
March 13th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
[...] American Idol Contestants Sings about Child Molestation: V is hilarious. Anything she writes is always hilarious fail. This is no different. [...]
June 16th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
This is such a sad waist of web space. This was one of the best blogs ever and now NOTHING.
Close up or fucking start typing!!