I Am Not Your Fucking Honey.
January 12th, 2010.I lost the password to my stats a long time ago, so I honestly don’t know if anyone still reads this thing. Like most monkeys, I need an audience to watch me dance. Otherwise, what’s the point? I might as well just take a nap. So, I’m going to ask you to do something I’ve never done before: if you’re still reading, let me know. I’ll try my best to keep writing. If not, nap time baby.
As most of you with elephant-like memories know, I started my own business a couple of years ago. (Holy shit, this thing has existed for a couple of years!) What kind of idiot starts a business in a failing economy, you ask? This kind of idiot. Nice to meet you.
My business has been fairly successful. However, the drawback to success is that I have suddenly morphed into a workaholic. No joke, I have not had a single day off in about 3 and half months. Further, my workdays are usually 13-16 hours long. I’m a fucking horse, people. A horse.
This is explains my lack of updates. That and the afore mentioned missing audience for the monkey. Oo-oo, ah-ah.
But, I still need to bitch. Living my life with a smile plastered to my face is making my teeth hurt. So, without further ado…..
I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING HONEY!
Sweetie. Dear. Honey. Darling. Sugar.
You know what those words are? Terms of endearment. FOR CHILDREN. I call all sorts of people ‘darling, honey pot, sweet heart.’ Fortunately, all of those people are under the age of 5. When I say those words, I am commenting on the child’s precious innocence and undeniable cuteness.
Therefore,I would not dream of referring to an adult as ‘darling.’ They are not undeniably cute, they are not preciously innocent, and they are definitely not children. Therefore, it is fucking disrespectful to use a term of endearment such as ’sweetie’ when speaking to them. Period.
Even worse are the people who refer to their elders as ‘dear, etc.’ How unbelievably condescending.
I don’t mind when someone significantly older than my calls me ’sugar’ because, to them, I am a child. But when someone 5 years my junior has the balls to talk to me like I’m 3, I feel like spitting fire.
I’ve spoken to people who use words like this to speak to their equals and elders, and they always insist the same thing, “I didn’t mean it that way!”
Well, listen, I don’t give a flying fuck what you meant in your secret heart of hearts. Talking to me like I’m a child is rude. So don’t fucking do it anymore.
I swear to fucking God, if I turn 80 and some snide bitchy waitress calls me ‘darling,’ I will beat her to fucking death with my cane.
Sorry folks, I just had to get that shit off my chest.
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January 12th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Holy fuck! You’re alive? I figured after the last post you got offed by the local police union. I still have this site bookmarked and check it every day, mostly because I have my browser open all of the bookmarks in the folder at once. You had about another month before I gave up, now you’ve got me hooked for at least another 6 months.
January 12th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
I’m still reading. I’m still have you on my RSS feed. Keep writing goddamnit!
January 12th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
SO GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN! Of course I’m still reading. And, they say, for every one person who responds, supposedly there are about 500 still hemming and hawing about what they want to say but can’t. So, in representation of my 500, it’s good to see you. And you’re right about the Sweetie Honey Darling thing. BTW, I don’t remember if I commented on the How to Get Out of a Traffic Ticket blog, but I loved it and shared it with everybody I know. They all loved it too. Keep up the good work.
January 12th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
We’re still listening V. Been wondering where you were.
Being a male, no one calls me darling or sweetie but there are equally offensive terms for males such as ’sport’, ‘champ’, ‘dude’, ’son’ or ‘buddy’. I don’t know how ’sweetie’ makes you feel, but I’m guessing it’s something like ’sport’ makes me feel.
January 12th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
KEEP WRITING! I still check for updates a couple of times a week.
Often people use ‘Honey’ etc, because they don’t know your name. It’s just a kinder, gentler form of ‘Hey you.’ It’s essentially meaningless, and can be cultural (some areas of the UK, where I live, everyone calls everyone else love or darling, except men speaking to other men). It’s not intended to be condescending. Fair enough to correct them, but it’s an overreaction if you go off at someone for the first offence.
People who do it habitually, after being asked to stop… probrably can’t remember your name either, or just call everyone ‘Hon’. Which is disrespectful, come to think of it.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
still reading! you’re a feed in my news reader that I have not quit yet. so, hi honey! …er….
January 12th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
I swear I must be psychic because this is the first time I check your site in months. And I haven’t received a notification. This article: posted somewhere in the Twilight Zone…
And yes, still reading! In case it wasn’t obvious enough.
January 12th, 2010 at 8:21 pm
Yes, please continue writing! This is the most readworthy blog of all the ones I’ve come across yet.
January 12th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
[...] blog has been dormant for some time, but she might be coming back. Lets hope she [...]
January 12th, 2010 at 9:35 pm
This is not the real V. The real V is face-down in a tasty adult beverage somewhere.
January 12th, 2010 at 10:54 pm
Thanks to Google Reader, I am still reading via RSS feed.
January 12th, 2010 at 11:06 pm
Keep writing. I’ve never unsubscribed.
Btw, I’m with you on the waitress situation. Maybe we should just tell them, “Honey, you’ll get your tip, just stop being a kissass.”
January 13th, 2010 at 1:18 am
its indeed nice to know ur still alive, and writtin’ in the blog per se.
and yes most of the time its annoying to be treated like that.. or just that anyone who isn’t close your age up and down for the matter treath you like an equal.
its not like discriminative but i mean there we should still pay some respect to the… age groups perhaps?.
thats my two cents.
January 13th, 2010 at 6:28 am
Still reading
And hoping for more dancing!!
January 13th, 2010 at 9:53 am
I also thought you left us all and found a *gasp* real life. Still reading religiously and subscribed to the RSS and email updates, y’know - just in case.
January 13th, 2010 at 10:08 am
[...] you’re an idiot (Survey says you are indeed an idiot). But this latest post, titled “I Am Not Your Fucking Honey.“, is retarded. It’s so retarded it’s the kind of crap you’d find on [...]
January 13th, 2010 at 10:12 am
Um….ok. So glad you’re back, but I think you’ve gone off the deep end a bit. Yes, agreed - when wait-staff or anyone else you don’t know on a personal basis calls you by one of those terms, it’s inappropriate. HOWEVER - referring to a significant other or close relative by a term of endearment other than their proper name goes back AGES and they weren’t always terms of endearment, exactly. Take, for instance, the term “dear” which has many meanings - one of the original definitions being “highly esteemed” or “honorable” and was a much more affectionate way to address an elder than saying something like “Honorable Grandmother”. It’s not like these terms necessarily started out as ways to refer to small children, but if that’s how you choose to use them that’s fine. Just don’t expect people to change the way they LEARNED to act because of how you view it.
January 13th, 2010 at 10:14 am
We are listening V!! Keep on, keeping!
January 13th, 2010 at 10:49 am
Good to see you again, V.
January 13th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
a.) i’m still reading, and b.) get the fuck over it. i’d think insisting everyone else think like you would be the sort of thing that would piss you off.
January 13th, 2010 at 12:56 pm
I’m a RSS reader so, yes, I am still reading. I understand that the stress of owning what I can only assume is a retail-based business has taken its toll on you and that’s why we are subjected to this journal post which has all the ranting style of a 15-year old fast food jockey.
You’ll always have those fans who applaud your every word, just waiting for the next FUCK to come out of your mouth like schoolchildren delighting in a teacher cursing at the blackboard. They’ll clap like morons and tell you to keep it up because it’s delicious to see an authority figure of sorts acting infantile. That being said, your last two posts were heralded by long periods of silence on your part and then come off as the whiny indulgences of a pubescent teenager.
I love the writing style you employed back when you didn’t give two shits about anyone who read your page, but you still put some effort into writing. Maybe I was spoiled in that I started reading once you had a significant archive of anecdotes, but this latest writing style doesn’t interest me. And, if what another reader said was true - that every person who comments represents the thoughts of 500 others - then I and my 500 are growing bored.
Perhaps you just have too much on your plate.
January 13th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
I agree with lostinthecrowd. Here in the South, honey, sweetie and darling are terms of endearment, used when we can’t remember someone’s name, a quick way to get someone’s attention (”Sweetie, can you get the phone?”).
It all goes to tone. Sometimes it is condescending, but not every time.
January 13th, 2010 at 4:47 pm
It’s true that people often refer to children using those endearing terms, but when people say that they didn’t mean it in that way, chances are they’re telling the truth.
There’s no hidden meanings when people say “Dear” or “Sweetheart”.
Like Treeson said, it could be a stranger you’re referring to, simply asking them to pass the salt.
At least it’s better than “Hey, you.”
January 13th, 2010 at 5:26 pm
For those of you saying that calling people you hardly know ’sweetie’ or ‘honey’ is a cultural thing specific to the south are incorrect. In the south, you are supposed to refer to your elders (or someone whose name you don’t know) as ‘Sir, Ma’am, or Miss.”
See how one is respectful and one is overly familiar and condescending?
“Hey you” is just as rude as “Hey Honey” Again, if you don’t know someone’s name, say, “Excuse me, Sir.”
This isn’t about intent (as in, I didn’t mean to insult you) it’s about having manners. And good manners suggests that you don’t use a term of endearment for someone you don’t know. Ever. No matter your intent (and really, how are others supposed to know your intent unless they are mind readers), it is rude. Plain and simple.
January 13th, 2010 at 6:41 pm
@Elizabeth
+1 for Ma’am and Sir. My parents were very serious that my siblings and I address people (anyone, not just elders) as Yes Ma’am, No Sir etc. Nowadays it just rolls off my tongue and people respond to it much better than ‘honey’ or ’sweetie’.
January 13th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Yuppers. I’m still reading. And I actually hate those words altogether, regardless of who it’s meant for.
January 13th, 2010 at 7:34 pm
Still reading, V.
January 13th, 2010 at 7:34 pm
I’m still faithfully RSS-subscribed.
January 13th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Oh yeah I get email updates, side note almost crapped my pants when I saw you updated. Glad to hear the buisness is going well and I look forward to seeing more of the dancing monkey.
January 14th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Glad you’re back.
January 14th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
Very glad to see you post again!
January 16th, 2010 at 2:31 am
In defense of the waitresses and those in the service industry- yes, it’s disrespectful. I waited tables for 5 years, starting at age 15. I was a polite girl on the job, I was aware enough to know that this was my source of money. I wore light makeup, I addressed everyone as “sir” or “ma’am”, my uniform was well-kept and my hair was in a tight, bouncy ponytail. I acted like the servers on the military base my dad works at did.
My tips were shit, even after I got good. I worked in texas, arkansas, boston, california, and south carolina (army brat). The only thing that made me decent money was the typical southern girl. This involved a heavy drawl, a swaying walk, hair falling out of my pony-tail, stained apron. You get it. I made, on average, $15/hr calling people honey, angel, dollface, sweetie, sugar…. laying it on thick, you know?
A lot of us don’t mean any disrespect… it’s just what makes us money.
January 16th, 2010 at 6:07 am
Still reading. Was great to see an update.
January 16th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Good to see you’re back!
January 18th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
It’s nice to hear from you. Good to know your business isn’t in the toilet.
January 19th, 2010 at 1:21 am
I checked about once a week, as someone has already so eloquently said: Holy FUCK! You’re still alive!
January 19th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
Still reading. Like everyone above me probably said, it’s nice to have you back.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:21 am
… And, not to mention, I get seriously creeped out when some lecherous middle aged man calls me ’sweetie’ when I’m at work.
If you are a middle aged man, calling a young girl ’sweetie’ is never okay. Never.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
I would still be reading, if you had still been posting. I’ve not missed an entry yet, and I hope there’s many more to not miss.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:02 pm
Oh, hey, glad I have email reminders turned on.
January 25th, 2010 at 6:20 am
Wonderful to hear from you again V.
While I am not a fan of the posts where you simply vent various forms of rage (although I am sure they are soothing to write) I appreciate the stories you have put here of things you have learned. I admire your ability to laugh at yourself, respect how hard it is to talk about the things which really matter or have really impacted your life, and am amused by your little insights as to how people tick.
I know life isn’t one of those things we ‘come out ok’ with some happy ending to but seeing you more or less happy and stable despite whatever former shenanigans you encountered has been a great source of comfort and hope to me personally. I hope that in 10 years I will look back and consider my hand played half as well.
Your writing has inspired me to attempt to tell stories as well (http://savingears.blogspot.com/) although I don’t have your gift for slicing out all the unimportant bits of a story while still really keeping a reader.
Anyway, the point is I am glad to hear from you again. Please keep writing: I am rather sure you really are reaching your target audience from “fifteen and already a wife.”
January 26th, 2010 at 4:07 pm
still reading, glad you are back!
January 29th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
[...] I love them. But I only love them one way – from guy to girl. It’s somehow endearing (though many girls out there would disagree with me). And for the record, only some guys can pull this off. It depends on the girl too, but trust me, [...]
February 4th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Alway’s great to see your work .
I have admired an enjoyed your stories
keep it up
look forward to the next
cheers dirtdog
February 10th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
V, it’s great to see you posting more again. Please keep it up.
As for the subject, do you find it offensive if your husband uses words like “hon, honey sweety” etc?