Violent Acres

OK kids, story time.

Imagine you’re a divorced father driving to your court designated trade off point to pick up your son for the weekend. You make it there on time, but your Ex is a good 30 minutes late. When she finally arrives, you notice she’s driving a brand new SUV. You glance at your chevy (over 10 years old and falling apart) and you feel a small twinge of anger at the base of your skull. You squash it back down because today you have bigger fish to fry.

Ignoring the SUV, you ask your Ex if you can have your son on Father’s day. This year, it doesn’t fall on your weekend, but you’d still really like to spend it with your son. Your Ex hems and haws and tells you that she needs to check her calendar because the ‘new’ family might be in Miami that weekend. Vaguely, you wonder how they manage to go to Florida every summer when you haven’t had a vacation in 10 years.

After awhile, you realize that you’re begging her. You’ve had to beg to see your own son for years since the court made you a visitor in his life, but you try not to think about it like that. Later that evening, when you make it back to your crappy apartment, your carefully brainwashed son curtly explains to you that he’s decided to call his Mother’s new fiancé ‘Dad’ instead of you. All of the fighting, the money, the shame and the humiliation that you swore to yourself would be worth it in the end is instead being rewarded with this:

You’ve just been reduced back down to Roger.

This story is so common nowadays that it’s almost a cliché. Is it any wonder that some of the weaker Dads are running like hell? The attorneys, the money, the non stop fighting….and in the end, they lose anyway. America’s laughable version of family court sucks every ounce of joy out of a father’s life and turns his kids into hopeless burdens who will never understand the full extent of what goes into getting those 96 hours a month. Faced with knowledge like that, you have to wonder if Scott Peterson was onto something.

In the end, it’s all about money. Over two thirds of the divorces are initiated by women who were promised that they can have it all: The kids, the house, and a nice paycheck every week to ease the agony of their oftentimes flippant decision to destroy their families. What they don’t know is the only reason they are so often encouraged down this path has nothing to do with what’s ‘best for her family.’ The family concept could be repaired if more people were willing to work on it instead of cutting and running the second things got a little rough. Divorce, on the other hand, is a business that is keeping thousands of people in a new Lexus every year.

Let me say that again in case anyone missed it: Women are encouraged towards divorce because the system profits when their families implode.

Your divorce keeps the judges, the lawyers, the file clerks and the security guards all in jobs. Court appointed therapists and counselors benefit financially when you’re forced into programs with little substance designed to make you feel better about being in a broken home. The main benefactor is the child support agency who takes a 2% cut out of every child support check for as long as the child is in the system.

Oh, they didn’t tell you about that?

The reason there’s no child support reform is because a fair system would ultimately give them less opportunity to skim money off of the top. Furthermore, over 80% of custody cases end up with the Mother receiving sole physical custody. Why do you suppose that is? Are 80% of the Fathers in this world incapable of loving and nurturing their own children? Or are the courts just banking on the Father having more earning power than the Mother? Simply put, it has nothing to do with Mothers being automatically considered the ‘better parent.’ The courts are awarding women the children because they are hoping that a Father can earn a bigger paycheck…..which means a bigger cut for them.

I know a family where the Mother filed for child support, but only asked for a very small amount. She was making good money on her own and didn’t really need much. The judge chastised her for asking for so little and insisted that she didn’t have a right to decide how much money she received. This was her child’s money, not hers, and how dare she try to cheat her own child? She responded that she had worked out an arrangement with her Ex where he’d be taking care of their son during certain week nights while she went to school. She wanted to make absolutely sure that her Ex had enough money to make his home just as comfortable as hers since their son would be spending so much time there. The judge repeated the same tired mantra about it being her child’s money and awarded her 5 times what she was asking based on some arbitrary formula in a notebook. In the end, she cashes her check every week and gives the majority back to her Ex. No one cares, not even the judge who chastised her so harshly, because it wasn’t really about what was best for the child in the first place. The State just wanted a bigger 2% cut.

Mothers, shame on you for being so easily manipulated. Your kids don’t need a paycheck! Since when did any child suffer feelings of anger and abandonment because they didn’t own a playstation? But there are big gaping holes in the hearts of children where their Fathers should be! Mental illness, criminal behavior, teen suicide, substance abuse, and high school drops out all can be traced back to nearly fatherless homes. When was the last time you heard any overwhelming statistics suggesting that kids grow up to be murderers because they didn’t have as many toys in the playroom?

I know a guy with a daughter who lives three states away. He hasn’t seen her in 5 years, but he never misses a child support payment. He fancies himself a wonderful Father citing that fact and labels any Dad who falls on hard times a ‘loser’ and ‘deadbeat.’ Shame on him for allowing a flawed system to reduce him to such a status! Once again, I will reiterate that kids don’t need paychecks. They need piggyback rides, under ducks, help with their homework and a spot in the bleachers to wave towards during baseball games. Fuck any Dad who bought into the theory that it’s all about the money.

Speaking of hard times, what happens when a Dad loses his job and can no longer afford such steep payments? Well, six months after his financial situation has changed, he can file for a decrease. That’s right! He’s not allowed to file for a decrease until 6 months have passed. During that time, he’s got to beg, borrow and steal to make those payments whether he’s employed or not. And if he falls behind? They suspend his driver’s license making it more difficult for him to secure new employment. If he falls too far behind, he could end up in jail.

Suspiciously, the courts aren’t as harsh if a woman denies her Ex his court ordered visitation. In cases like that, he’s got to scrape together the cash to take her to court to get her wrist slapped by a judge. Fact is, there’s no money in ensuring a Father access to his kids which is why the court only gets involved when you pay them to.

The system right now is failing children on so many levels it’s hard to determine who is to blame. On one hand, I’d like to blame the Fathers. If this were happening to women, they’d be writing letters, organizing marches, and voting new people into office. Say what you will about women, but bitches can organize. Fathers seem to be rolling over and dying, but then again, can you blame them? Turning your life into a war zone for a child you’ve barely gotten time to bond with who may just end up hating you anyway seems like a foolish and daunting task.

On the other hand, I’d like to point the finger at the Mothers who have bought into the theory that men are nothing more than sperm donors and paychecks. For all intents and purposes, they are taking advantage of a system that allows them to systematically ruin their child’s relationship with their Father while they profit. Too late they are finding that that attitude hurts the very child they have sworn to love and protect.

And is anyone really surprised at the claim that the government is short sighted and greedy?

I guess in the end, the love for your children can be measured by how hard both parents fight to stay out of the system. I am a firm believer in the idea that most of the ills of the world can be solved with a little self awareness, communication, and maturity…..qualities that cannot be legally assigned to an individual, but must be adopted willingly. While you’re busy fighting, the system is busy fucking over your children, people!

Quit paying them to do it.

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