Violent Acres

For some strange reason, I want the people who buy ads from me to get a good deal. However, considering that I don’t buy ads for myself, I really don’t know what constitutes a ‘good deal.’ Because I don’t want to rip anyone off, I have kept my prices ridiculously low. Seriously, you can run an ad on my site for as little as 50 cents a day with the right package.

Anyway, it’s been a couple of months now and I’ve already noticed a few trends. I’m sharing them here for the people who buy ads from me and want to know how to get the most bang for their buck.

*Ads where the owner uses a clever catchphrase to describe their website get the lowest amount of clicks.

*Ads that include a detailed description of the website do slightly better.

*Ads that mention me in some way, shape, or form get almost double the clicks that the other two get. For example, the link off to the right that simply says ‘I support Violent Acres’ is getting far more clicks than Heaven Nose, the Daecrist or the RoadKillRampage guys.

*Ads that mention me, while also hinting towards mild lesbianism, are getting 5 times the traffic of the catchphrase writers and almost triple the clicks as the ‘I Support Violent Acres’ guy. In other words, ‘The Girl Who’ is creaming the competition over there.

I find this fascinating.

Does this mean I have a secret underground fan base of hot lesbians who, like, totally want to do me? If so, I find the entire concept oddly titillating. But be warned ladies: I’m a biter. And a hair puller. And during the act, I just may refer to you as my little slut. I hope that’s cool.

But seriously though, I wonder how an ad on my site would fair if it said something like ‘I’d like to bash in Violent Acres’ face’ or something like that. Would violence beat lesbianism? Or does lesbianism trump all? Would lesbianism still sell even if I weren’t mentioned? Does ‘The Girl Who’ want my phone number? All questions I’d like answers for.

Anyone want to play around a little and let me know?

One last piece of advice: If you are going to buy an ad, please make sure you have some interesting content readily available on your main page. Nothing annoys me more than having someone buy an ad from me only to watch them piss away all that exposure by posting a long fucking list of haikus. I want to send you traffic, but I’m not a goddamn miracle worker.

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